Anger is a feeling that we experience often. It happens to all of us some time or the other – we express our anger, most often at near and dear, and on seeing the anguish it causes them we regret having expressed anger. Anger can be controlled and channelised positively. But in order to do that, you need to first identify what causes it. It could be a simple stimulant, but enough to upset your mental balance and leave you seething with anger.
Suppressed anger
We need to beware of suppressed anger. Suppressed anger can cause a person to flare up at the slightest provocation. This suppressed anger could be due to something that had happened years back. And when suppressed, the feeling only intensifies; it never abates.
The reason for anger being suppressed could be factors like fear, denial and ignorance among others. Once such anger is pinpointed, we can use rational thought processes to remove the negative import of such feelings.
The person who is unlucky enough to be at the receiving end of an outburst of anger which has its roots in suppressed anger will be totally bewildered, not knowing the cause of the outburst. And if the receiver is a child, the scars can last for a long time. So we should be very careful while handling situations with children that can lead to angry outbursts. And where children are concerned such situations abound.
Anger that is justified
It is not that anger is something bad that one should try to avoid getting angry at all costs. Anger is a reaction we experience in response to something not to our liking. And what we need to do is analyse our attitude and the reason why we do not like something. If it is something basically wrong, like for example anything undermining human decency, morals or ethics, then we have every right to be angry and upset. Very often expressing anger in such a situation helps, but remember control is essential at all times. Anger has a tendency to manifest itself in a physical form. This can hurt another person. Therefore even if you feel your anger is justified, exercise total control over yourself.
The main factor to be analysed in such a situation is the attitudes and convictions that we hold and which convince us about something being wrong. We should be able to sift matters in a controlled and unbiased manner, giving adequate allowances for the belief, attitudes and convictions of the other person, especially if there is a whole generation gap between the two. For example a teenager could be angry with his parents for not allowing him to go out for a New Year Eve bash and the parents could be angry with him for persisting and being adamant about it. Both would be right as per their own convictions. What would save the situation here is talking about the reasons for wanting to go and refusal of permission. There is no sure-fire formula for this; either the parents or the teenager would eventually give in for various reasons. If the giving in is based on an attitude of trust and understanding, it will take the relationship further on a firm footing. But if not handled properly, it could be the first among many other similar scenes. Is this what one wants in a personal relationship? Look inwards and take the first step at making things better.
Wounds left by anger
Be honest and you will agree that all of us nurture some anger ‘wounds’. Scars left within ourselves because we were not able to get over a certain situation completely. The anger and resentment felt at the time leaves a residue that stays with us for a long time to come. Identify such ‘wounds’ and try to heal them. The only balm that will soothe such wounds is a positive approach. Tell yourself over and over again that it is not worth clinging on to such negative feelings. Would you keep a rotting fruit in your kitchen? Definitely not. Equate your negative thoughts to the rotting fruit and ‘throw’ them out. Also try not to cause such wounds in others. These are time-tested recipes for controlling anger and thereby keeping yourself mentally and physically healthy. The bonus here is the healthy relationships that result.
Suppressed anger
We need to beware of suppressed anger. Suppressed anger can cause a person to flare up at the slightest provocation. This suppressed anger could be due to something that had happened years back. And when suppressed, the feeling only intensifies; it never abates.
The reason for anger being suppressed could be factors like fear, denial and ignorance among others. Once such anger is pinpointed, we can use rational thought processes to remove the negative import of such feelings.
The person who is unlucky enough to be at the receiving end of an outburst of anger which has its roots in suppressed anger will be totally bewildered, not knowing the cause of the outburst. And if the receiver is a child, the scars can last for a long time. So we should be very careful while handling situations with children that can lead to angry outbursts. And where children are concerned such situations abound.
Anger that is justified
It is not that anger is something bad that one should try to avoid getting angry at all costs. Anger is a reaction we experience in response to something not to our liking. And what we need to do is analyse our attitude and the reason why we do not like something. If it is something basically wrong, like for example anything undermining human decency, morals or ethics, then we have every right to be angry and upset. Very often expressing anger in such a situation helps, but remember control is essential at all times. Anger has a tendency to manifest itself in a physical form. This can hurt another person. Therefore even if you feel your anger is justified, exercise total control over yourself.
The main factor to be analysed in such a situation is the attitudes and convictions that we hold and which convince us about something being wrong. We should be able to sift matters in a controlled and unbiased manner, giving adequate allowances for the belief, attitudes and convictions of the other person, especially if there is a whole generation gap between the two. For example a teenager could be angry with his parents for not allowing him to go out for a New Year Eve bash and the parents could be angry with him for persisting and being adamant about it. Both would be right as per their own convictions. What would save the situation here is talking about the reasons for wanting to go and refusal of permission. There is no sure-fire formula for this; either the parents or the teenager would eventually give in for various reasons. If the giving in is based on an attitude of trust and understanding, it will take the relationship further on a firm footing. But if not handled properly, it could be the first among many other similar scenes. Is this what one wants in a personal relationship? Look inwards and take the first step at making things better.
Wounds left by anger
Be honest and you will agree that all of us nurture some anger ‘wounds’. Scars left within ourselves because we were not able to get over a certain situation completely. The anger and resentment felt at the time leaves a residue that stays with us for a long time to come. Identify such ‘wounds’ and try to heal them. The only balm that will soothe such wounds is a positive approach. Tell yourself over and over again that it is not worth clinging on to such negative feelings. Would you keep a rotting fruit in your kitchen? Definitely not. Equate your negative thoughts to the rotting fruit and ‘throw’ them out. Also try not to cause such wounds in others. These are time-tested recipes for controlling anger and thereby keeping yourself mentally and physically healthy. The bonus here is the healthy relationships that result.
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